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Tuesday, 10 November 2009
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Depression 101: Wrenches
Sometimes getting up is the worst fate of all when you suffer from depression because just when you see a little light, life throws a wrench and knocks you on your ass... Show off your vanity URL's in your facebook fanpage... http://cybersweetness.comPosted via email from Gebalove
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Trying to find the energy to keep going
The task at hand is a large one. I have to reach inside myself and find the strength to make my dreams happen... it is not an easy thing to do. In 2 months I have to beat my addictions, I have to turn each of my blogs into a success by being engaging enough to get people to read them. I have to get all my 9 youtube channels to partner and hope to hell that is enough money where I am able to move to malta where I can start my new life. I am tried of living in Edmonton, a place I am unhappy in. I want to wake up each morning with a purpose. I want my life to matter, to be able to say when I am old that I left this world a better place than when I found it. The problem is the enormity of the task sometimes is daunting and online is a cruel place full of cruel people. Maybe it is my fault... on youtube you have to push the limits.. it actually is a really sad commentary on our world how to get views on youtube you have to appeal to the lowest common denominator... One foot in front of the other...they call me igebadia.. http://youtube.com/gebalove please subscribe and help me reach for the stars.. gosh that is cheezy.. but what the heck.,..Posted via email from Gebalove
Monday, 09 November 2009
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The things we don't want to admit...
In a moment when the sadness goes away you go to a mall and with all the care in the world you make a care package for a girl who is starting school again.. you pay $80 to send it to her... and then 3 months later you get a package in the male with COD for $80... it is the package.. your mom is there.. you say it likely got stopped at the boarder.. the guy says no it just wasn't picked up at the post office.. things are good with the girl.. and she is a chaotic crazy personality that.. am I just making excuses for the fact that the woman I love always walk all over me.. people say you will find someone else.. but I don't ever want to know another girl.. not intimately.. this is the story of my life.. as I tell my tales you shall see how I always get walked all over by girls.. how they all treat me the same way... they look inside and see a broken man and it is my fault.. I do not have the courage to stand up for myself.. now I need to go put on a brave face.. if you choose to comment please know this is something I cannot respond to.. this I need to get out and lock away inside.. or it will send me... to my bed wondering about life.. I feel the sadness coming.. the dominos...Posted via email from Gebalove
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Depression 101: Slave to your emotion
I made this video about depression and how often it is like a domino effect.This was a comment made by a tuber: "Seems like you understand the way your mind works and your thought processes...
I think having that knowledge should be able to help you overcome it.
Because you know that you think that way, so when you chose the "wrong" option, you should make yourself think about your thought processes and then counter that 'wrong' thought with a more probable healthy thought.
Then with practice, overcoming small things, you can eventually overcome the bigger things and live a more relatively normal life"Sadly this is all too often the belief when it comes to depression. Here is my video response to that comment. They call me igebadia... http://youtube.come/gebalove http://cybersweetness.comPosted via email from Gebalove
Saturday, 07 November 2009
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I do not want to fall asleep...
How can I get job when I cannot find enough will power in me to get up and go outside? How can I work in an office when I am terrified of people because I know my emotions will lie to me and I will over react or under react or not react. Everything I say.. I write.. I do.. I over analyze because so often in life I have been so wrong. I have no answers.. there are no pills...I pray an angel shows me the way... you know the hardest part... it is I just need the right people to believe in me.. to tell me.. the one thing I have noticed is how so rarely in life do we bother to tell people they are amazing.... at least nobody does to me.. the right people I should say... it is always the right people.. the people we attach worth too... I have no answers.. so I lay here afraid to go to sleep cause waking up at 10 pm... looking at the dark world is a special kind of hell... almost as bad as looking at the world at 8 am and realizing you don't matter... not in anyway that makes you smile... So I will watch farscape.. I really bad scifi show on itunes.. that I have not seen... if you know me... I guess the way to think about it is when you date a girl she will never tell you what is wrong because if you had cared you would of known.. once she tells you it is too late....this blog is for me... I do not want your help... but I do think the cousin I never met rocks.. about the only member of my family I feel that way about...
Here I sit at 10 am in the morning. It is time to go to bed for me because this is the pattern my life without a job has taken. I have 2 months left to find my way back to the emotional stability to find a job that pays $2500 take home a month or bad things will happen. People look at me and think I am fine. The tree only falls in the forest when we see it fall. They do not see the inner struggle inside. The way I reduced my world to places, things and actions that will not cause me emotion. How I never listen to music, some movies I cannot watch and outside is a place that terrifies me. It is crazy right. What sane person would act such ways? But I am not a sane person. I am a man who looks at everything with fear... always asking is this a variable that will lead me to that very, very dark place.Posted via email from Gebalove
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